Mel is highly experienced in preterm birth having had all three of her babies early. Mental health and wellbeing has been hard for Mel on her preterm birth journey, she shares how she has worked through this.

Mel was born in Singapore and moved to New Zealand with her family in 2003. She now lives in Auckland with her husband Jarred and three children.

Mel’s worries began during her first pregnancy

Mel was excited to be expecting her first child, but her thoughts started going in a negative direction during her pregnancy. She had heard about ‘postnatal blues’ but was confused to be struggling so much during what she expected to be a ‘happy’ time. She worried about not being able to go through with the physical process of birth or handle the big changes in her life afterwards. She also found herself grieving aspects of her past and worrying about not being a good enough mother.  

With a referral from her GP to Maternal Mental Health, Mel went through a course of counselling and a workshop series called “Coping through the Senses”. There was some relief in having a space to process difficult emotions, and learning ways to calm her nervous system down, simple things like sipping a cup of hot herbal tea. Being someone who normally ‘lived in her head’, pregnancy was the beginning of learning to also live in her body.

Aside from this, Mel’s pregnancy progressed normally, and she expected that she would go into labour close to or after her due date, as she had learned in birth class that first babies were often late. Perhaps on an unconscious level her body knew more than her mind did; her hospital bag was packed at 33 weeks and she had applied to go on maternity leave exceptionally early (which, in the end, was very lucky as she only had around 10 days off before her baby arrived). 

Surprised to find that baby was on her way

Mel went into spontaneous labour at 34 weeks. Apart from increasing pain and regularity in contractions, there were no other obvious signs this was really labour. Mel and her husband Jarred met with their midwife at the hospital and all were equally surprised to find that the baby was on her way! Although Mel found birth difficult and scary she also had feelings of relief, gratitude and amazement. These positive feelings were soon swept away in the intense roller coaster of going home without her baby at first and having to experience the precious first weeks of her newborn’s life in the medical environment of SCBU (special care baby unit). Trying to adhere to a strict schedule of breastfeeding/expressing milk was stressful, yet she felt she could not stop as it was her one direct link to her baby, especially when they were apart.  

Subsequent preterm births and an increasing emotional toll on Mel’s mental health

Mel’s second baby was born at 31 weeks and her third baby was born at 29 weeks. Despite spontaneous labours for them both, due to complications she required emergency caesarean section births. These pregnancies were during the COVID-19 lockdown periods, so despite being seen as an experienced NICU/SCBU mum, things were harder spending most hours at hospital alone with Jarred at home to looking after their older toddler (or two).

The birth of Mel’s third child happened very shortly before her grandfather passed away overseas. Processing her grief, seeing her baby’s fragility, having low milk supply, dealing with COVID sign-in and masking procedures, and fearing catching COVID, potentially passing it to her baby and being forced to isolate from her, all took a significant toll on Mel’s mental health. She initiated a referral to Maternal Mental Health and is grateful for the support she received, which included counselling and support for birth trauma, and the ability to use respite facilities a few times with her baby once they got home. 

Mel’s reflections

Mel describes the last few years as bringing some incredibly hard days along with truly amazing moments, and above all she has learned that raising babies, especially preterm babies, is a marathon and not a sprint. 

Having survived the hospital and newborn periods, she has found the mantra of ‘little and often’ the most helpful with regards to maintaining mental health as a busy mum. Rather than wait for the day (that never comes) to have a ‘real’ break, she has discovered that little things can make a profound impact on any given day – things like taking a quick walk alone in the evening, listening to an uplifting podcast while driving with kids asleep in the back, actively letting go of guilt in her parenting on less than stellar days (she’s still working on that), and making arrangements in advance with her husband for time out—ideally before she needs to be alone. She still goes through mental health challenges at times but is learning to swim with the tide, and grow through them, rather than wish it all away.

Mel is very grateful to have her husband Jarred alongside her on this extraordinary adventure, and for the extra support they have received from close family, the NICU and SCBU teams, her midwife, GP, Maternal Mental Health and whānau support services Bellyful and Parent Aid Waitakere.

In this video, Mel shares how breastfeeding challenged her mental health journey.

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My children are now 6, 4 and 2 and are a joy to Jarred and I. I see them as little walking miracles, a testament to God’s grace and the power of science.

I hope to convey in my story that though there are challenging aspects to having a preterm baby, there is hope. Also, there is no shame in reaching out for a helping hand when you need one—one day you could be a helping hand for someone else.

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Everyone’s mental health and wellbeing can be impacted during and after pregnancy but this is more common for those at risk and/or experiencing preterm birth. Having understanding and awareness of this is important and as Mel says reaching out for help is vital.

If this feels like you, please let a trusted person and health professional know how you are feeling. Your local hospital and GP services will have some links for support (including your local Maternal Mental Health team) and/or you can contact the following for help:

• The Mental Health Foundation website provides several different links to helplines and support providers. https://mentalhealth.org.nz/helplines

Other helpful websites recommended by Mel:

• Bellyful – Cooking and delivering meals to whānau with babies or young children, who need support. https://bellyful.org.nz/
• Parent Aid Waitakere is no longer running, but Parent Aid North West is. They are a free at-home service for new mums and parents of little ones who are experiencing a time of high needs. https://www.parentaidnorthwest.org.nz/